A Description of A Monster
Some call it the black dog, the black smoke, the cloud that never leaves. But what is it exactly? This feeling that cripples our motivation to do the things we love and to basically live our life. Well, I don’t think you can just write about it in a blog, write a cool poem or even a great book. And someone is instantly better or they feel ok. This cloud that lingers and most often refuses to leave, is a different journey no matter who you are. Although I’ve resorted to calling it a monster because, on the days where I feel so down, the silhouette and shape of my mental health looks just like that.
Taking back my Spine
I never really knew what depression felt like until the day I felt so crippled with an inability to find joy in the things I love to do. I put joggers on and I couldn’t be bothered exercising. I put one of my favourite songs on by This Will Destroy You – I believe in your victory (check that out). And I had no interest in it at all. Why it is that we can feel so broken, yet want only to be free?
Like I said it’s a different journey for everyone. How I experience depression, low- mood will be much different from someone else. It’s not a competition or comparison, it’s just individual people expressing and explaining what they’re going through. But in those moments, I don’t close my eyes too tight, because I want to make sure I fight to keep my spine.
Because although I can’t explain why the cloud that lingers comes and stays for long periods at a time. Which is often frustrating and truly scary, to be honest with you. I don’t want to wake up after it’s come and gone, only to realize it’s taken the one thing that helps me stand. My spine might not be straight, but I won’t lose it.!
In the waking of hope
Anyone struggling with a mental illness will know that at times, you feel like you don’t fit in. You feel like you’re a shape that fits into no puzzle. But can I encourage you that on the days you’re in the think of the smoke and your lungs feel so dirty? Despite what you think of yourself or what anyone thinks of you, you are not alone and you are indeed loved.
The cloud might dictate something different at times and it will. But from one person to another, I think your Awesome and I believe that no matter what anyone has ever told you. You’re not a mistake just because you have a mental health condition, everyone has their battles and you best be proud that you’ve fought, and you are fighting your battle. Because in the waking of hope, we are not our illness they are just a part of us, but not our entire person.
Much love – Shaun
One last word
Don’t forget that there are countless communities you can go to for help, some are online, and some are face to face. I encourage you that it’s not weak to ask for help and to be honest if life is getting difficult, help is a great option because your here for a reason. And one day your life and your story can save someone else’s. (Please note Contacts are for within Australia) There are also more that I haven’t listed.
Beyond Blue: beyondblue Support Service
Support. Advice. Action1300 22 4636
R U OK: https://www.ruok.org.au