When It Hurts Enough

There are plenty of times in life when we literally feel like we can’t take anymore. When the cup is so full and it seems like it’s going to flood and without a friend or someone we confide in it often seems like we’re left to fight by ourselves.

I think society has painted a very clear picture of what they think “a real man” looks and acts like and if you seem any different, you are likely cast aside and told to shut up. But one thing I learnt growing up was that it was ok for me to cry and it was alright for me to feel the emotions the world said I shouldn’t have; that we should experience them, like they’re normal. Not pitch a tent and call it home. I think we all should understand that. Maybe we have emotions for a reason, and instead of “manning up” and ignoring them maybe we should face them and walk through them.

Because you either have a lot of stuff you’re dealing with or you let it all go. I think we often talk about stuff that happen years ago because we never let it go when we should’ve. You could spend one moment in a conversation dealing with your emotions or spend years talking about the pain you’ve never really dealt with.

There’s a huge difference between pain and peace.

I am a man and I do cry and I face my emotions when I need to. I don’t avoid them because they’re uncomfortable or inconvenient, especially if I’m having a good day then suddenly I’m confronted with a feeling I need to face. I face it, have a cry, have a moment than I move on. When society says one thing we need to say another because we are not who society says we are. It’s ok to be yourself and not try so hard to avoid breaking out of the box the world tries to put us in.

At what point do we stop telling men to ignore the storm they’re facing and to stop bottling their feelings up? At what point do we help a person heal as opposed to telling a man he shouldn’t have feelings at all. Emotions have and will always be a normal part of life. Women and men there is no difference, it’s mostly how we’re raised. Most men are taught to be tough have thick skin and don’t let the world or emotions touch you, were taught to be strong and shun the thought of tears falling from our eyes. But what if that’s what you need to do, stuff what the world thinks or what they say about it… Have the moment you need.

I can be a really emotional person and I’m a man. That doesn’t make me less manly than whoever I’m standing next to. It just means I’m not scared of the feelings I might have, that it’s normal; and I fail to see why it’s not. Because we should not wait til it hurts enough then talk about the things we’ve held onto. It’ll be worse for us the longer we hold on.

Pain will never turn to healing if we never open up.

The thing about pain is that it can either be ugly or beautiful but it can’t be both. It’s beautiful when a man finally let’s go and just goes through what’s natural, it’s ugly when we keep building a wall and telling ourselves ‘I shouldn’t feel this way’ the only reason we say that is because the world screams in our face and tells us we’re wrong for having emotions. I don’t see why it’s normal for women but not normal for men, I just can’t fathom that reasoning. I think it’s very sad that we live in a world where men find it hard to be around a friend or even a stranger who’s expressing themselves in a way they never have. Crying is great and real men do cry talking about your feelings is Awesome and it helps a lot more than we believe.

Nothing will change if we never change what we believe, if you’re reading this and I totally understand that there would be those who’ve experienced it. But growing up if you were flogged for having emotions I’m truly sorry you had to experience that, but maybe it’s time to talk to a mate and finally let that pain go.

Much love, Shaun

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