‘Jesus Started Crying’ – John 11:35 (CEV)
I’d been lost for so long and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been happy, I knew people who had experienced depression but thought it was just a fase.
I’d be happy for months then suddenly out of the blue, I’d feel like a failure, unhappy and confused.. I didn’t really know what was happening, I didn’t know how to feel.
I loved myself but if I’m being honest I actually didn’t know how to. I can know say with certainty I was experiencing depression.
When Jesus rescued me from my insecurites at first my response was flawed, in one hand I knew he loved people unconditionally, but in the other I couldn’t see what he saw in me. Depression started to ruin me because I felt like a terrible person, even when Jesus would tell me ‘Your past is forgiven, now learn to be loved’ I couldn’t fathom why I’d want to.
Jesus saved me from a bunch of things, one of which was a destructive language that I’d fostered for years. Tearing myself down had become the norm, was change possible?
In the verse when it says Jesus started crying he was crying because Lazarus had passed away, Jesus had gotten busy in his ministry (Life) and unfortnately his friend had died.
However eventually Jesus made it to his friend Lazarus and raised him to life.
I believe what Jesus was trying to teach me (and I love him for being patient, because I was over life at that point) was that no matter how dark life may get, He is our Hope.