I always envied people who could smile, projecting confidence in a physical way showing off something I never had.
For so long as I can remember I’d spent most my days digging a hole I didn’t even realise I was digging. Sure words are what I spoke over myself, but I didn’t think about the long term, and how they would effect me in the future.
I stopped caring and it truly showed, no one knew but me.
Unfortunately the downside of being an introvert is sometimes the pain you hide behind the things you write and the things you never say, but would really like to.
Because I didn’t care about myself my teeth took the brunt of my terrible self- worth. I lacked confidence and I lacked hope.
The one thing I truly wanted was the confidence to smile and be happy to look at myself in the mirror, thankfully I can, but I’ll never forget what it feels like to hate yourself.
I’ll let God use my testimony to help others who feel like I did.
The emotional weight I felt was so freeing, yet so overwhelming.
I cried… you’d imagine what would’ve been going through my head, I was bullied for years for various reasons (all stupid) and I wanted to die, bullying plus not willing to smile. I can’t explain what it feels like, but maybe it’s death without actually dying.
I got dentures after I got several top teeth removed and being able to smile might not sound like a big deal, but for me, it’s another way Jesus has showed me I’m not totally worthless.
It was something so small, yet something Beautiful.
Much love, Shaun