‘I’m ugly, clearly your blind’
What if you’re not as ugly as you feel, as ugly as you say you are. You feel the same way about yourself, because you speak the same thing over your life. You’re not ugly but deep down it’s your truth, deep down you spit in the face of anyone who tries to encourage you, that you are wrong.
You stand to attention and are always ready to tell anyone to piss off, when they want to encourage you of your worth and beauty. You basically trade purpose for posion hoping that people will stop seeing your value.
Influencing your discouragement becomes a natural progression when your having a terrible day, because trying to believe anything else takes vulnerability and allowing the wounds to be exposed long enough, for them to heal. Whenever you hear this sentence (‘Your amazing, your beautiful and your loved’) it makes you want to vomit, because it’s something you don’t believe.
I can’t explain how much it’s true though, how loved you truly are, how your brokenness doesn’t make you flawed or damaged goods. How when you act tough in front of people but cry yourself to sleep, because you struggle with self- acceptance and the only way to be free is to talk to someone.
Your beautiful but because you’ve torn a whole in your self- worth thinking your ugly, is the only thing you believe. The truth can’t penetrate your heart because you keep telling yourself so many lies, you don’t have tattoos, yet the lies are tattooed in your mind. You can’t see forward before your always looking behind.
Stop saying your ugly, stop pretending like you can’t escape your mistakes, as if your life is over and you never have a second chance.
I think we spend so much time reminding ourselves of what’s ugly in our lives, we forget to encourage what is good. The more you crush your self- worth the more you’ll think, I’m ugly, I’m unlovable and I’ll never be worth it.
Obviously, you’ll feel worthless for years if the only thing you tell yourself is ‘I’m ugly’ that’s not encouragement that’s the truth. It’s what I use to say all the time, it’s what I told myself for years, I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw, pointed out all the things I didn’t like. And they became weapons to influence pour mental health, that impacted my life for years.
If you wanner know how long it takes to overcome self-abuse, I’m 31 now so I’ll let know when I’m free.
Much love, Shaun