When will you know it’s ok

The thoughts that create mountains in your head, take one step than you slip, when you feel the pain don’t keep it to yourself. To often we hold it all in, till the weight is to much to bare. Our shoulders slump and were afraid to admit we can’t do this on our own, we retreat to what we think means were strong, while we feel broken and alone inside. If only we knew it’s the things we don’t share, and what we never say is what keeps us riddled with pain. We hold back emotions and treat feelings like a disease, like to feel something it means were not a man. (Poem)

 

During this season of isolation I think it writes a cautionary tale of making it potentially easier for some of us to further isolate our
self- worth, self- esteem, and our feelings and emotions. I find this to be alarming and a huge concern, because over the years I have noticed
us blokes rarely mention the things we’ve been through and more often than not we choose to tough it out and fake how we truly feel, society
has taught us to act tough and avoid our emotions and feelings at all cost. We feel awkward when were around any bloke who cries,
and any bloke who seems different to us.

But one thing we need to understand is that to often the blokes who are judged for showing these feelings we may never display publicly or privately (ourselves) , are the same blokes that become part of a statistic. Because suicidal ideation is often birthed in silence, I’m not a psychologist or a psychiatrist but I am going to take a guess and suggest that maybe the things we feel like we can’t share, are the thoughts that accumulate in our head till we can’t take it anymore. The emotional baggage weighs us down and we assume the easiest thing way to the pressure off our shoulders is to give up and say an early goodbye.

However blokes shouldn’t have to tough it out, we shouldn’t have to fake our feelings and find it hard to live another day. We are human and we shouldn’t be afraid to experience the emotions and feelings that women feel, why do we live such dishonest lives? Sometimes we live life based on our upbringing, so if our father taught us to be tough, if we feel broken and if we feel hurt we won’t talk about it because to share our “feelings” is look weak in front of the people we think are strong.

Though I can almost guarantee you that the people in your life that you think are really strong, have similar feelings and emotions that they believe they can never share or talk about with you. Two blokes tough it out while two blokes suffer by themselves, how can we be so close to helping each-other but help never comes because were to busy acting like “Men” who forget we are also human.

This isolation got me thinking about all the times my own father could have helped me, if I only I had have told him that I was being bullied. Had I just walked up to him cried and shared how I truly felt, maybe help would’ve come earlier. Maybe I wouldn’t have struggled
for so many years with my self- worth and self- esteem. I can’t entertain those thoughts because the past is something we cannot change, but please believe me when I say I share my feelings now that I’m older and I really don’t care if those emotions make some blokes uneasy.

My mental health is far more important that anyone feeling uncomfortable. It should be the same for you as well. Your life is more important than other people’s comfort, you are allowed to experience and explain your feelings.

I realize as a bloke we are expected to be strong to an extent, because some of us are husbands, father’s and really awesome friends. But hear me when I say this you are also human, you are broken, you are flawed, you have feelings and you need to experience your emotions. If you don’t let life unfold naturally your feelings will shatter the glass you hold inside and maybe one day, you hit your wife. Maybe one day because you’ve never shared your feelings and some bloke says something and now your looking at fifteen to twenty years in prison, because you beat some bloke half to death or literally to death.

If you don’t believe me, I’d like to mention the fact that in most cases half the blokes who struggle in life right now, are the same blokes we can relate to. Because in all cases I promise you that most of them struggled to share their feelings and emotions.
I am not a fan of the term “pity party” because it suggest that we can’t be honest with the people we love and admire, we must always bring a good report and God forbid we were ever truly honest. The thing is honesty is a moment of authenticity were we tell the truth,
and it is the truth that sets us free. Imagine holding all these feelings and emotions in for like twenty or thirty years, that’s
literally twenty tor thirty years that freedom could’ve been experienced. It’s like leaving prison but holding onto the shackles.

So why do we put so much pressure on our selves and other blokes to fake how they feel and any time they’d like to open up, we suggest opening “one” more beer, just do this drug or do this thing. Why avoid two things that make us human? Because I can bet you
that most blokes just wanted their father to hug them and let them know it’s going to be OK, hey buddy it’s OK to cry, it’s OK to share your feelings and those emotions you keep avoiding. When your ready please share them, because for years I struggled like you.

Why do you think some blokes have a terrible relationship with their father? so once they have children of their own  and if they have a son they decide to always be their no matter what. To encourage them that it’s OK to cry, to share their feelings and talk about their emotions.

I wonder what would happen if we truly grasped the reality that men and women are the same in one small way. We both have the ability to cry, the ability to experience  feelings and the opportunity to share our emotions.

I really don’t want to hear about another man who has chosen suicide over a conversation. Because during a conversation we get to share
our thoughts and express what were going through.

People are suffering in silence and sometimes it’s because as a society we have collectively said, no it’s not OK to share your feelings, or talk
about your emotions. But as of this writing I’m suggesting that you tell society to shut it’s mouth, if like me you are sick and tired
of seeing another human give up.

I thought about this blog last Friday and thinking about the lead singer form Linkin Park, when you here what happen and the choice he made you can really read about his pain, in all the lyrical content he wrote throughout the bands career. The comedian and actor Robin Williams, he made so many people laugh and created some of the best memories most of us have, yet he suffered in silence and maybe not alone because I’d imagine he had a counselor or someone he was seeing. But most importantly seem to be suffering none the less.

So Speak up, share your feelings and talk about your emotions. Trim the tall poppies you grow inside your head and gain the perspective that you deserve to live and love your life.

Much love, Shaun

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